KING OF NEW YORK HACKS

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KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE !

KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Bulls Balls

Yes, shiny and waiting for you.....The Wall St Bulls Balls !!




There is a superstition about the Wall St Bull that people believe in, and these days most people are inclined to go along with it whether they truly believe in it or not, considering they will do ANYTHING to get this market turned around.

The superstition is that if you rub the Bulls Balls, you will have good luck or the stock market will rise, kinda like rubbing The Buddha's belly .....except its Bull scrotum...y'know his nutsack. The royal jewels....you get the idea. Well on Friday as I drove down Broadway to the cross street Morris St where the bull is half a block away, I thought I'd pull over and see how many people in the span of 5 to 10 minutes would take pictures rubbing the balls. While I was there I thought I'd create my own superstition while doing it, and low and behold not only did I see people doing it, but The King's new superstition was proven today when the stock market rallied for over 400 points!!!

People come from all over the world to rub his balls, but I had something else in mind...No not that, you filthy beastiality thinker, stop looking at internet porn!!!!

Anyway, read on and enjoy....and NO, don't give me any special requests you filthy perverts of what you want me to do to those gonads...you'll have to come and do it yourself, but I will drive you there.....and watch. Geez, guess The King is as bad as you.




Heading down Broadway at a red light as I watch one of the Downtown Alliance workers cleaning up, while everyone heads home for the day. The downtown alliance are a mainstay now, they wear red uniforms and either are cleaning up, security or give tour guide services at their posts all day. Very helpful if you are lost or are looking for a landmark, and they work closely with the police.





A very happy Asian woman goes in for a quick squeeze....How come tourists never go for the King Of New York Hack's sac with such an exuberant smile? Huh Huh ...I said Hack Sack.



Dive on in, we need the luck !!!



C'mon everyone its family friendly !!!!!!!!!!



She was there one second and gone the next as she pushed her way in, and as legend has it..... she was never seen again.....Ever.



She looked a little reserved but she still copped a feel. Gotta look out for those "reserved" types, most of the time they are the kinky ones.


"No, No I don't want to touch" ...."OK OK I'm going for it !!HAHA " Shout out to the yellow cab in the back of the picture. Holla !!


And yes, there is nothing like having the lifetime photo of your beautiful child with the balls rubbed round the world. Priceless. Double shout out to the taxi in the back! Holla,Holla !!!!!



This was not taken Friday night but I thought you'd appreciate the lengths people will go through to turn this economy around. Thanks bro, we'd do it for you.....well actually no we wouldn't you damn bullball lapper !!



I wonder if people would dive in like they do if we had a real Bull like the one below...I think not. Pardon me...just threw up a little bit in my mouth.




Which led the King to start my new superstition on the Wall St Bull Balls. While everyone is always caressing, and kissing, and massaging his damn balls...they didn't realize that they were lulling the damn bull into a bear market sleep !!

Sheeeiiitttt people !!! WAKE THE F--- Up !! What do you think a Bull would do getting treatment like that all day and night...The King had to be the one to "step" up and put forward that perfect front kick Bruce Lee style to wake the stock market up and put an end to the endless sac stroking !! Hiiii-Ya Muthaf-ing Bull !!!! That's the King's foot below !!!

Couldn't have landed a bullball kick any more perfect than that. New York Kingstyle KA-RAH-TAY !!!




Now you tell me, doesn't he look pissed off NOW !! You can thank me later.
Market up 400 points. Nuff Said.

Stock Market Close Monday October 20, 2008 4:03PM ET
:
9,265.43 Up 413.21 (4.67%)


Now if this market goes back down you can blame all those people who are squeezing the scrotum in a friendly way all day and night. I have nothing against animals, but it was time for that bull to get what he had coming. I may not be a financial guru, but I am The King Of New York Hacks. Peace out peeps.

37 comments:

  1. omg that TOTALLY cracked me up! I'm so glad I took this little field trip this morning! you rock.

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  2. I love balls. I think I peed a little.

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  3. OMG. that photo of the guy trying to lick the balls? priceless!

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  4. Thanks King - great post.

    Forgot about those bull balls and the legend.

    I'll make a point to visit BB this holiday.

    Hey and if I thought it would help the economy I'd get deep down in there (no pictures allowed - and I'll be lookin for ya).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh CHRIST! Now I have just one MORE reason to go to New York!

    "Some of us are born to greatness! Others have it thrust upon them. And then, there are those of us that rub the scrotums of giant animals for good luck!"

    Bra-VO, sir!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like the kicking idea and if I ever make it to NY I will give him a kick. :) Your post had me laughing from start to finish. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOL - I've just never seen such a long commentary on such a topic as bull balls! :P

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  8. HAHAHA that's BIZARRE!

    You've got me in stitches here!!! You lot are crazy.
    Not that we can talk I suppose, we all have herpes from kissing the Blarney Stone after all!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nice!!! I drove a Yellow Cab in Philly during the summer of 1961. My mother came from Flatbush in Brooklyn. Her family lived under the El. My grandfather played piano in a bar close enough for him to stagger home after work. My father, born in central PA, came to NYC in 1929 and set up an oil recycling company under the Brooklyn Bridge. I used to party in the City when I was a teenager. I kayaked around Manhattan in 2001. I'll be checking in with you from time to time.

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  10. I much rather kick a bulls balls to get things turned around than I would to caress and fondle.

    Good job!

    ReplyDelete
  11. That one dude looked like he was getting Tea Bagged.

    Market acted creepy again today. The hedge funds were actually saying that Oil is getting TOO cheap. It's saying that the consumer is dying.

    Hope that changes tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for sharing these glimpses of the big city. I'm enjoying it!

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  13. This post has more balls than the average porno.

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  14. How in the world have I managed to not find your blog before today????

    I spotted your comment on Lori's blog and just had to come take a look - the title was too intriguing!

    I'm an American expat now living in Oxfordshire. Although I spent most of my life around Oklahoma and Texas, I lived in Manhattan from '86 through most of '93. I still think of The City as "home", to tell you the truth, as those years there were among the best of my life. In fact, it's NYC that helped me meet my British husband - but that's a very long story.

    Anyway, I'll link to you ASAP (DO let me know if you object to that, though) and will be back a lot to get my fix of the world's greatest city! You are a terrific writer, and now I feel a bit less homesick.

    Janet

    ReplyDelete
  15. @ vodka mom - Best way to start your day is laughing I always say...Shit, I'm turning into Dr.Seuss. I rock? Thanks !!

    @ starbuckbitch - Balls are fun. Sorry about your underwear.

    @ anocgirl - lick or EAT, not quite sure WHAT he wanted.

    @ IAA Tornado PF - Nicknamed BB's, hilarious. You better get down in those BB's cause I'll be lookin' for ya too !! It will help the economy....really it will.

    @ Ms.Partly - I am resolved to be a "giant animal scrotum rubber"...but your Bra-VO made me feel better about it.

    @ Lisaschaos - They will be anxiously awaiting your foot to arrive.Leave a mark.

    @ Suburbantaxigirl - I've never written as long a commentary on anything !! Who knew Bulls Balls had so MUCH ?!?! LOL

    @ Lugosi - umm..i'm guessing itchy fingers and a LOT of people staring at you.

    @ K8Gr8 - Us lot ?? I've been to Ireland, am an Irish product AND have kissed the Blarney Stone...and only now DO I find out WHY my penis is oozing !!

    @ Hungry Mother - Taxi in Philly ?!! You have MUCH to TELL me !! Starting off in NYC in '29 and he endured, great story.Kayak Manhattan is on my list I'll be checking in with YOU !

    @ catscratch - If only you can convince the rest catscratch we'd be ok.

    @ moewanchuk - Tea Bagged Fo Sho! Dude smelled like balls for a week.Market will be tested again I'm afraid before we see some real leaps of faith.

    @ Q - its what I do Q...ITS WHAT I DO. lol

    @ thomas - and I'm still PG 13 go figure. How can't a guy get an NC 17 with all those balls !!

    @ janet - I worked in Manhattan when you lived here, and its always "home" to all who have lived here. You know that. Thanks for the link, glad I made you feel less homesick!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I finished that post, the rest of the story is now there for you. Here, we have real sized, fiber glass cows all over town. All painted different. Some are painted to look like a dairy cow, some are painted weird, green paisley for instance. I keep intending to get a photo into my blog of the ones in the beer garden at State Street Brats. Very cut post King.

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  17. That Downtown Alliance worker picture is a great shot. The lighting is just right and the red glow of the traffic signals contemplate his red uniform. Cabdrivers are born photographers.

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  18. Now I know why his balls are so nice and shiney

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  19. Thanks for dropping in on my sites...

    My wife and I go to NYC every 3 months, and walk past that bull, so I was laughing my ass off!!!

    Great post!
    J/ (goteeman.blogspot.com)

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  20. I had NO IDEA there was a real life authentically fake Bull there on Wall St. I'm so removed!!

    Have a SUPER day and thanks for visiting!!

    - Jennifer

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  21. While I agree with your assesment with regards to the bull getting sleepy with a ball/taint massage, I do think that there is a better way to wake the bull up.

    Why not give the bull a rim job? A little rectum lick could really get him going!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hola:

    Acabo de ver tu blog.

    Espero que visites mis blogs, son fotos de mi pueblo, de España y de Italia y Francia:

    http://blog.iespana.es/jfmmzorita

    http://blog.iespana.es/jfmm1

    http://blog.iespana.es/jfmarcelo

    donde encontrarás los enlaces de todos los blogs.

    UN SALUDO DESDE ESPAÑA.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Here in Illinois, we rub Abraham Lincoln's nose. I suppose, if his, uh..."coinpurse" were exposed, we'd rub it.

    Alas.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Alright, I totally want to get tea bagged by that bull.

    Also, get your nasty bull balled feet over to my place and pick up your sparkly black box award.

    ReplyDelete
  25. LOL, Yeah, I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth too... and way to go get that bull! Thanks for turning it around.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my...funny!
    My son took a trip to NY and Philly with his 8th grade class two years ago. Imagine my surprise when I downloaded all the pics from his trip and here he and two of his closest buddies were, fondling this big boy's boys! Not what a mama wants to see, you know? :-)

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  27. HAHA When I went to NY a few years back the Bull was one of the first things I saw

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  28. I hear shaving one's balls helps with the...er....never mind.

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  29. Thanks for stopping by my blog. You are too funny! I needed the laugh. Oh and my next post will be funny, I promise. I need to get out of my funk. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Awesome!! How long was that bull there? Did he get molested in the 20's and again in the 80's as well as now?

    This was great. I enjoyed it tremendously.

    And I wouldn't be shy. I'd dive right in. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Rub all you want, but right now that bull is kicking back because people still aren't aware of how dire things are across the board.

    We are in a depression, although the papers haven't headlined it yet. They are beginning to hint at it in dribs and drabs.

    Get OUT of the stock market if you have any sense at all... Sit tight with your existing real estate holdings if you have them and save your quarters.

    ReplyDelete
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