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Saturday, January 24, 2009

The King and the NYC Condom

This was a quote from an article in the New York Post. It got me thinking, as I'll explain.

If you click on the words, it will bring you to the full article. However it is not necessary to read my story on the matter.

"We are experiencing an unprecedented economic crisis that has to be dealt with and dealt with rapidly," Obama said during the meeting.

Republicans say the $825 billion price tag is too big a burden for a nation crippled by debt and that it doesn't do enough tax-cutting to stimulate the economy.

"You know, I'm concerned about the size of the package. And I'm concerned about some of the spending that's in there, [about] . . . how you can spend hundreds of millions on contraceptives," House GOP Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) later said. "How does that stimulate the economy?"

I really don't know a lot about John Boner, I mean Boehner, but what he said sure was a pun intended. However, size of the package, spending millions on contraceptives, stimulate, and well c'mon Boner is his name ?? This was the perfect oppurtunity for me to write about New York City condoms, which are free if you know where to get them or just happen to be walking past a promotion for them where they hand them out. If you are in NYC and need a free condom, YES ITS FREE !! The only free things I can think of in NYC is The Staten Island Ferry......and NYC condoms. Here is their website if you need to be safe, unfortunately they don't fit The King, you know I have to get King size !!

This package was the original design for the infamous free NYC condom which they made the letters look like train signs for some flair. More flair !!!

So they went with this new design , and this is the condom you will get for free should you need them for your safety....or someone else.

They are distributed from Ansell Healthcare Products from Alabama, pretty sweet contract to sell millions of condoms to New York City. This place is horny !! However they are NOT made here and they EXPIRE !! So, I wonder how much money is wasted on the one's that expire and must be thrown away. This one expires in 2012.

and this one expires in I guess we just keep buying ahead

Now I'm curious why we have to import condoms from Malaysia imported by an American company from Alabama that sells them to NYC. I think we could create a few jobs making rubbers here and help our New York City economy.

If it says NYC condom, it should be from NYC !!

They also give free lubricant !! (insert Borat voice) HIGH FIVE !!!

A nice pile of FREE condoms AND lubricant. (insert Borat voice) VERY NICE !!!

Now they are organized, don't want to use an expired one.

OK, give me a K !!

K is for Keep your sexual drive up.

I is for I am The King.

N is for New York, the land of FREE condoms !!

G is for the Graveyard shift, which the King works....and plays when he isn't working.

O , well O is for the BIG "O" !!! C,mon were talking about condoms here !!!!!

F, well F is for ....I'll leave that to you , remember the theme is condoms. You can leave your thought in the comment section if you like !!

N is for Now is the winter of our discontent, until Obama turns it around.

Y is for You better wear a NYC condom or give some to people. They are a great stocking stuffer and may inspire someone you admire into trying them out.

H is for stay away from dirty "H"o's !!!

A is for A new beginning for this country.

C is for ...well I 'll leave this one up to you again considering the theme.

K , hey K is for King ...period !!

S is for Stay Safe !!

and what did it spell??

KING OF NEW YORK HACKS spelled out in condoms....thats a first !!!

Hope it made you smile !!

So in closing , I want American made condoms, nothing against Malaysia, I just want things produced here. I want more production here. If it says New York on it , I want it made in NY or in the United States, that would help our economy, and my tips. Well I think I've said enough for now on the matter, I'm not a scumbag , I'm just The King Of New York Hacks. Peace out people.


  1. Nice, and very creative!

    I am from OH - John Boehner is pronounced "bay-nor". But being from OH and knowing about him, I think boner fits him better. Send him a condom.

  2. That's a scream. And NY condoms aren't even made in USA? There's a problem.

  3. After reading this, I think I now need a cigarette :)

  4. OMG! Are you serious? Condoms are free in NYC? Sheesh. That's where all the horny folks are, no wonder!!! I love love love your patience to arrange, photograph and upload all those dang photos of all those dang condoms. I absolutely love it!

  5. i feel very, erm, left out. us lesbians dont use condoms. so whats free in NYC for us? huh? gotta stay fair, ya know.
    how 'bout batteries. batteries are good. we could use free batteries.
    jus sayin....


  6. *laughlaughlaughlaugh*

    My brother, I think you just made my weekend! Oh, jeez, that was funny! I couldn't really explain to my Wee Lass what was so funny, had to redirect her attention back to the DVD she was watching.

    And you missed a perfect opportunity with that line about "stocking stuffers"!

  7. I love this post! Although I've been spelling out "King of New York Hacks" in condoms for years!

  8. Damn you for making me laugh so hard I choke on my bleoved Diet Coke!! And on a side note, I love that I was humming the WIENER DOG SONG as I read this!!


  9. OMG, that was AWESOME!! And "F" is for...well, FROLICKING, of course!!! lolol

  10. Even though I just had intercourse a few hours ago, your post makes me wanna make-a sexy time!!!

  11. Thanks for the smile! Though next time, if you expect to make me (or any one for that matter) smile from a bunch of condoms, they better be OUT of their package. Just stating the obvious.

  12. Dude. You so make me laugh!


  13. Okay. First, when I lived in NY, I could only hope you would have been my hack. But tell me truthfully, would you have driven me from lower east side to brooklyn? Cause some of you guys would not. Second, you funny hack. Love, love, love the blog. And condom letters, genius!


  14. Funny, yes, but if the pictures were less huegeous, they might load quicker, consume fewer gigabytes etc.

    A smaller size would still give the same message - link to a larger size if you want people to make wall posters, but honestly, on a computer screen we don't need the full megapixellage.

  15. For a guy with two jobs, you sure seem to have an awful lot of time on your hands. One question: Aren't there any condoms made in the good ol' USA?

  16. So, you had a bit of spare time, King?! :)))

    Nice to see you back :)

  17. It would be better if they were flavored. :)

  18. I'm thinking that they come from malaysia because maybe RUBBER TREES grow there..? And here in the states...not so much...
    * ; )
    either way that's cool you guys get free ones

  19. I'm blushing over here ...

    That is a serious lot of condoms you have there KING? You are one BUSY BOY! No wonder you are smiling - you never fail to remind us that you were not crowned KING for nothing.

    It's good to be King.

  20. if only i had these condoms before i spawned 18 illegitimate children...sigh....anyway...
    I have been reading your blog for awhile and let me tell you I love it. I know the subject matters of our blogs are a little different, but that doesnt really take away from my appreciation of yours. I wanted to post a link to your blog on my site, would you be interested in a link exchange?
    Check it out: Http://

    Thanks so much

  21. Incredible presentation. A+ for the effort and design.

  22. Good Lord, that's hilarious!

    And it's nice to know that even in a huge metropolis like New York City, the lubricant is still personal.

    ;^) Anna

    PS - Thanks for visiting my blog - yours rocks.

  23. I think I should have gotten you involved in my recent contest giving away a $100 sex toy and a panini press for making sandwiches! But I just discovered you tonight so it's too late. Maybe next time! You have a new fan!

  24. I thought S was for syphillis but then I realized very quickly that in fact you are right you r Safe from Syphillis with these guys.

  25. Dude- you have WAY too much time on your hands.

  26. That was a glorious display of NYC condoms made in Malasia by way of Alabama. Bravo!

  27. You could set up an American business of recycling those condoms.

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  29. Condom art who would have thunk it. Beautiful inspiring and I think they should use it on Sesame Street

  30. Somebody gave me a bag with like 500 of those NYC condoms and asked me to distribute them to passengers inside the cab. Like after the change, care for a receipt? Then, how about a handful of condoms? Obviously you gotta know who to ask. We cabbies are good at that. Reading people.

  31. as a self proclaimed condom expert, i give this post two thumbs up! i'm so jealous that NYC has the cool free condoms. when dc tried to jump on that bandwagon, not only was the packaging crappy, but the condoms were faulty and had to be recalled!

  32. You've got a brilliant mind, my friend.

  33. Really? They just give them away? Like free souvenirs? :0)

  34. Ha these pictures and explanations are great! I feel like I've experienced a little piece of NYC from my sheltered corner of Australia.

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