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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Twaz the Nite B4 a NYC Kristmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the City

Not a creature was stirring, not even the King Eddie;

The taxis were parked by the meters with care,

In hopes that King Edward soon would be there;

The year has been tough, blame the banks and the Fed,

No worries tonight, we’re here and not dead;

When in my back seat, arose such a clatter,

I turned to look and see WTF was the matter.

In the rear view mirror, her eyes had met mine,

A pregnant girl named Ho, her gaze, had met mine ! 

The moon on her face , that heavenly glow,

A newborn coming to New York City… we understand such a glow.

When what to my city eyes, should all this appear,

But a hansom cab, and a driver full of cheer,

With a little young man, so cocky and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be Nicky Ho…The Pimp

More rabid than Yankee fans,  her shouts
they did come,

She whistled, and cried, and shrieked out “Nicky you’re a bum !!” 

  Now Nicky, now Ho! This is no way to behave,

Order in my Taxi, preparations must be made !

Park your cab Nicky, in the back you will go,

Steady breaths and be rhythmic, the world awaits another Ho !!

All traffic and lights in the way of this ride ,

Surely these obstacles ,will cause someone to die;

So up on the sidewalk, the backseat screamed with glee  ,

This Taxi full of Chaos and the driver is me !!

And then, on Park Ave, I heard on this haul,

The knocking and banging from an old man with a drawl,.

As I turned to the Ho’s, and was calming them down,

Into my Taxi, Kris Kringle entered like he owned the town!

He was tattered with rags, from his foot to his head,

And his face looked quite famished , perhaps he was dead.

A knapsack of booze he had flung on his arm,

And he said “Occupy Wall Street” sure’twon’t do any harm! 

His eyes -- how they shifted, his cheeks red as

His ears like a devil, he called to Nicky and said be merry !

His sly little mouth was drawn up like a curtain

And the whiskers of his chin were like worms I was certain !

The base of a crackpipe he held tight in his hand,

And the smoke that bellowed, The King knew this is banned !!

Nicky screamed "WTF I’m here with my Ho",

Kringle just laughed, and said "indeed I do know !"

The King hit the gas, in the air such a chill,

I shouted “get the fuck out”, "a baby coming is God’s will !";

A blink of his eye, and a twist of his noggin,

Gave me the trust,  I will be able to
continue my blogging ;)

He spoke not a word, but uttered right to Nick,

“No more pimping for you, or I’ll be back,  ya little dick”,

 And laying his finger upon the flicking of his nose,

Gave a nod to the King… out of my Taxi he rose.

He jumped on my hood and to Miss Ho he did speak,

“A lovely gift this baby is, see things aren’t so bleak”,

“Be good now Nicky, and Ho do the same, 
your child will need you, no fingers to point blame” 

…surely I must have gone insane…

"Merry Christmas to all, 
and to all a good-night. 
Three Ho’s for all of
you …Ho Ho Ho !"..."Aigghhhttt"

"and to you King.. A Very Merry Christmas"
then he laughed like a child 
and this is what he said   
  singing waking the dead
“ho hohohohohoo” “hahahahahah”

Then this fella Kris Kringle, 
rose above the street lamps

Caring about me,   
and the New York City Tramps

Nicky said to no one … “he gave me a chance “

    I said “Use it have True Romance” …

Into the fog I continued my drive, 


To Lenox Hill Hospital
the King ...
became alive …

ironic aint it  :-) 

...and the Ho's lived happily ever after. :-) 

 Ho Ho Ho !

This is what the King looked like 
so many moons ago 
at Lenox Hill...
I was not a Ho.
Cute, aint I ? 

So in closing 
I wish you best wishes and cheer, 
A very Merry Christmas 
and a Happy New Year 

Please don't forget the Homeless 




  1. Wish you a Merry Christmas!
    "Frohe Weihnachten, viele Geschenke und ganz viel Freude !!!"
    Greetings from Germany, Petra

  2. You definitely know how to string words together!. What a cute baby u were!. May it be a brighter year for all of us!.

  3. rock on, sugarplum, tis the pogues at my place! peace out! ;) xoxooxox

  4. Hi Edward, Thanks for the fabulous tour of your city all dressed up for Christmas. It's beautiful. And you were a very cute babe too.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours. I hope 2012 is a happy and healthy one for you all.

    Cheers, jj

  5. Great Christmas story !!
    Merry Christmas!!

  6. Merry Christmas to you!
    What a great entry, I wish I could translate that so that my German friends can enjoy this as well. I have told them so much about your unique Blog.
    Frohe Weihnachten wuenscht Dir Susanne

  7. And to all a Happy New Year. And thanks for the beautiful tour. I am beginning to love New York.

  8. ...and the merriest of blessings to you too, and but of course you were just a darling little babe! ...and best of all you became one of the world's best King of photos! ..and you share them with us! thank you for this tour of your lovely town...I so want those big red bulbs for my yard next year...maybe if I ask Santa early I'll get them!!!!

  9. Merry Christmas! I hope 2012 brings you health and happiness.

    BTW, if that's really your baby pictures, you were a doll!!

  10. Well, Edward, I'm a bit slow reading this ( hell, I am a bit slow about everything, at 67 ) was hysterical. Greetings from India..where time if can I slow it down? Christmas was wonderful and I am looking forward to New Year's eve which will start with midnight mass. I haven't been much of a church goer in years but this young, tall, handsome priest looks like he stepped off a Bollywood lot!

  11. Wow what a great post!

    Have been on a mission to educate all taxi cab drivers and those who rely on them and tell them about!

    I don't know if you know this but it's actually the most accurate fare calculator out there! We believe that if more taxi services and blogs spread the word, the easier taxi travel can be for everyone!

    Will be following your blog from now on, best of luck!

  12. lmao I love the Lego Atlas! Hope you made a ton on New Years. Be safe out there brother.

  13. I added some animation overlaid with audio from the dispatcher and drivers to my blog.

    Hope all is well,

    - Henry

  14. I hope you had a fabulous Christmas and fantastic start of the new year.

  15. Thanks for capturing a bit of winter holiday NYC. Wish I could fly up there every season.