Follow and ye shall be Knighted !!!



Twitter Follow

Follow KINGOFNYHACKS on Twitter

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Travis Bickle ....and The King Of New York Hacks.

I remember the first time I watched the movie Taxi Driver about the troubled Travis Bickle as he roamed the dirty New York City streets. The year was 1976,the Bicentennial celebration was happening which was quite memorable if you were in NYC. Those were the days where fireworks were so popular you couldn't see across the street at the end of the night waiting for the smoke to settle.

I remember fishing in the harbor off Staten Island watching the ships sail in from 200 years ago with the anticipation as if I were there the first time they arrived. I remember someone shooting their gun off under the Verrazano Bridge celebrating the stroke of midnight and the scary feeling of a ricochet that accompanied it.

Now, today as I reflect on those moments I think of Travis Bickle...Why? Because I AM a Taxi Driver. When I saw the movie, I never thought in a million years that one day I would be behind the wheel of this unique and adventurous employment.

Yet I am.

Although I do have a day job,and the acquaintances and colleagues that I encounter on a daily basis has led me to a comparison of sorts that are almost the dissection of a time capsule that I have dug up, and am relaying my find to you. As the election nears and the world is changing, I am curious to your thoughts...Please leave them in the comment section. These are troubled times, and having them in my rear view mirror is a very up close seat to view it all.

The following is a quote from Travis with an updated version of the quote by The King Of New York Hacks which he has been heard reciting in these current times.

Travis Bickle: All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.

King Of New York Hacks: All the bankers come out at night - scumbags, analyst pussies, mortgage buggers, foreclosure queens, IPO fairies, CEO dopers, Bonus junkies, bankruptcy sick, Family venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take people who work at Goldman Sachs. Don't make no difference to me.

We will get through this economic bullshit, but I hope my thoughts remain unscathed as I march on...and hope yours do as well. I am not not Travis Bickle, however I remain faithfully The King Of New York Hacks.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Bulls Balls

Yes, shiny and waiting for you.....The Wall St Bulls Balls !!

There is a superstition about the Wall St Bull that people believe in, and these days most people are inclined to go along with it whether they truly believe in it or not, considering they will do ANYTHING to get this market turned around.

The superstition is that if you rub the Bulls Balls, you will have good luck or the stock market will rise, kinda like rubbing The Buddha's belly .....except its Bull scrotum...y'know his nutsack. The royal get the idea. Well on Friday as I drove down Broadway to the cross street Morris St where the bull is half a block away, I thought I'd pull over and see how many people in the span of 5 to 10 minutes would take pictures rubbing the balls. While I was there I thought I'd create my own superstition while doing it, and low and behold not only did I see people doing it, but The King's new superstition was proven today when the stock market rallied for over 400 points!!!

People come from all over the world to rub his balls, but I had something else in mind...No not that, you filthy beastiality thinker, stop looking at internet porn!!!!

Anyway, read on and enjoy....and NO, don't give me any special requests you filthy perverts of what you want me to do to those'll have to come and do it yourself, but I will drive you there.....and watch. Geez, guess The King is as bad as you.

Heading down Broadway at a red light as I watch one of the Downtown Alliance workers cleaning up, while everyone heads home for the day. The downtown alliance are a mainstay now, they wear red uniforms and either are cleaning up, security or give tour guide services at their posts all day. Very helpful if you are lost or are looking for a landmark, and they work closely with the police.

A very happy Asian woman goes in for a quick squeeze....How come tourists never go for the King Of New York Hack's sac with such an exuberant smile? Huh Huh ...I said Hack Sack.

Dive on in, we need the luck !!!

C'mon everyone its family friendly !!!!!!!!!!

She was there one second and gone the next as she pushed her way in, and as legend has it..... she was never seen again.....Ever.

She looked a little reserved but she still copped a feel. Gotta look out for those "reserved" types, most of the time they are the kinky ones.

"No, No I don't want to touch" ...."OK OK I'm going for it !!HAHA " Shout out to the yellow cab in the back of the picture. Holla !!

And yes, there is nothing like having the lifetime photo of your beautiful child with the balls rubbed round the world. Priceless. Double shout out to the taxi in the back! Holla,Holla !!!!!

This was not taken Friday night but I thought you'd appreciate the lengths people will go through to turn this economy around. Thanks bro, we'd do it for you.....well actually no we wouldn't you damn bullball lapper !!

I wonder if people would dive in like they do if we had a real Bull like the one below...I think not. Pardon me...just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Which led the King to start my new superstition on the Wall St Bull Balls. While everyone is always caressing, and kissing, and massaging his damn balls...they didn't realize that they were lulling the damn bull into a bear market sleep !!

Sheeeiiitttt people !!! WAKE THE F--- Up !! What do you think a Bull would do getting treatment like that all day and night...The King had to be the one to "step" up and put forward that perfect front kick Bruce Lee style to wake the stock market up and put an end to the endless sac stroking !! Hiiii-Ya Muthaf-ing Bull !!!! That's the King's foot below !!!

Couldn't have landed a bullball kick any more perfect than that. New York Kingstyle KA-RAH-TAY !!!

Now you tell me, doesn't he look pissed off NOW !! You can thank me later.
Market up 400 points. Nuff Said.

Stock Market Close Monday October 20, 2008 4:03PM ET
9,265.43 Up 413.21 (4.67%)

Now if this market goes back down you can blame all those people who are squeezing the scrotum in a friendly way all day and night. I have nothing against animals, but it was time for that bull to get what he had coming. I may not be a financial guru, but I am The King Of New York Hacks. Peace out peeps.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Street Fair, Wall Street, and One Man.

This is a typical street fair that they were having on Columbus Day on Broadway ( The Canyon of Heroes ), always great for changing a taxi drivers plans to get you near Wall St ....NOT !! Well at least you can pull over somewhere and get some cheap food if you want, and smell a lot of different countries foods and be exposed to the products and potions of the traveling salespeople who really sell their asses off all day.

Yes, you too can have a New York attitude beginning at infancy a la' Calvin.

And.....if you weren't lucky enough to have the "tude" since infancy, you can always get your superhero boxers which will give you much support....and some New York, or Gotham, or Metropolis attitude. Whichever you prefer of course, or you can purchase all for some real attitude and probably turn into a New York Taxi Driver !!

I think if the entire world purchased these unique salt and pepper shakers there would be peace...or more likely a lot of broken salt and pepper shakers !!

Now as royalty goes, it would not have been proper foreign policy had I not bought some toasted corn on the cob from the Corn King himself, so I did and fortunately what Kings like myself need after eating the ole' corn on a stick, click the pic and zoom in to read what only a King can get in the well placed porta-potty behind the corn king's stand.......what else could he need except for a ROYAL FLUSH !!...ok,ok, I thought it was funny and NO I didnt use it, I hate those things.

This street musician doesn't look happy with his earnings from the fair as he leaves ....but when you got the Corn King versus Mozart at the street fair, its NO CONTEST!!...CORN KING wins every time. Sorry music dude, but no corn would sell at Carnegie Hall if that's any consolation.

This lovely woman who sells roses on Wall St probably is making more than most of the investment bankers right now and isn't locked in a cubicle...AND has a personality !!!!!!
She sings really loud in an accent "RRROSES, Beeoooootttifooooll RRRoses !!!!!" Roll your "R"'s as you sing along please.

And , this was for sale at the fair and reminded me of how scary the economy is, or would this ward off the evil spirited bankers???......these things creep me out either way, so I did not purchase one.

This preacher was screaming to the people that we will be saved if we embrace God and to do so is now and if we don't .....well you get the gist of it I'm sure.

This Preacher was just saying the end of the world is here and to join his foundation against capitalism....I didn't join since there would be no future meetings since the end of the world was here.

This guy was chanting "Stop the Capitalism, Start the Revolution" over and over , however no one joined in.

He paused for a moment and I saw his flag did not resemble mine so I moved on......

The Greed Kills people are still making their presence, they walk around, stand in different places throughout the day but they are still here as they await the UFO to pick them up.

and then there was ONE MAN...

ONE MAN amidst all this chaos of the day playing the National Anthem on his flute over and over.......ONE MAN.....amidst the chaos of this day ONE MAN.....ONE PATRIOT.

I don't know what to expect with this economy and if I were to vote for the President tomorrow, it would be for this ONE MAN who sat on the curb underneath the place where George Washington was sworn in as the 1st President of the United States, and played The National Anthem over and over trying to drown out all the cries of anti American chants. I am not this ONE MAN, I am just the humble King Of New York Hacks. Peace.

Friday, October 10, 2008

HackScoop....Inquiring minds want to know

Gnightgirl who blogs This Just In left a popular question I get asked by a lot of my clients in the taxi and sometimes in the comment section. I will answer for all the inquiring minds that want to know.

Question, then: How many of your fares really open up with you? Are they mostly all business-like, or few & far between?

Good question. I think whether or not a fare REALLY opens up to me is always depending on what happened to them in the last 5 minutes before they get in my taxi...or perhaps what my prior fare was like for me. I guess as human nature goes its 50/50 on the real conversations or just fun conversations that I have, however sometimes even if I try to engage in conversation, they are just not in the mood, or they are an itard with their ipods in their ears and not hearing me ask them exactly where to drop them off only to have them complain later. Such is life.

I try to feel it out and sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes I'll think they look tired, just got off a long flight, and just need to zone out a bit only to find when I comment on the weather or a current event it seems the conversation should have begun when they got in the taxi. NOW how are we going to catch up on all this good stuff were talking about with all that lost time?!?!? LOL...but thats what keeps it interesting, fun, and sometimes adventrous as New York is never boring, even if I'm just people watching as no one is looking for a fare. I try to always keep it fun though.

And your other comment:
"I've only been in Chicago cabs, and it's not often a cabbie "bites" when I try to chat him up. Is it "chemistry?" Or do YOu start the conversation, or do they?

First,YO how come you never been in a Noo Yawk taxi lady? Whaddya got against us ??

Seriously, though some taxi drivers I know are just plain miserable and dont want to chat or socialize, and some are on their cell phones ignoring passengers most of the time. The King doesn't use his cell when their is a client in the car, AND I love it when someone throws me the chat bait, because I ALWAYS bite, sometimes so hard I forget to turn the meter on !! I love talking to people from all over the world and all over New York, and fortunately I have the unusual job that we both have each others complete and undivided attention for the duration of the ride.

Surgeons, Lawyers, Doormen, Bartenders, Busboys, Superrich, Superpoor,Crackheads,Prostitutes, different classes, races and makes for some brilliant conversations that I wouldn't be exposed to otherwise. The Big Apple. It certainly is, and should you ever take me up on my free ride , you'll have a hard time shutting me up about all the stories I have to I'll leave you with this bit of knowledge from a fare I had who was a mariner who sailed the world and told me that dolphins can swim and sleep at the same time (did not know that).....I told him New York City Taxi drivers are very similar as we can sleep and drive at the same time....He took a quick look through the partition to see if I was smiling, which I was, and he laughed...I may be no mariner, but I am The King Of New York Hacks. Peace.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

This is the infamous White Horse Tavern where poet Dylan Thomas was a regular and the place that has the urban tale of him drinking 18 shots of whiskey and pronouncing he just broke the record !! He was here celebrating 18 poems he had published to only collapse as he went home to the Chelsea Hotel where he lived, went into a coma and died. This is an excerpt from the first lines of "Do not go gentle into that good night" one of his most famous works.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I had a woman in my taxi who is a poet and told me her poem is hanging under Dylan's photo in the famous White Horse Tavern where Dan Ackroyd, Jack Keourac, John Belushi,KING OF NEW YORK HACKS, and many other artists imbibed regularly. Her poem which has a huge photo of Dylan Thomas above it is in the room called the Dylan room. Her name is Roberta Curley, though she told me she is working on a book and will use her maiden name Leshinsky. She was very engaging and I felt as if our conversation could have went on forever as we discusssed books, poetry, life in New York and how we all have these frozen moments with people in a New York minute that keeps us always fresh and inquisitive of each other, and in this particular taxi ride I was able to meet a poet who tipped me $10.00 on a $9.00 fare. Thats pretty damn generous, AND she said I could post her poem on my blog. She is supercool and I hope she has great success with her book that she is working on. The poem was printed in the West View paper,link below. Hope you enjoy and if not , well go frick yourself !!!! yeah frick !! Whatever that is.

Roberta Curley has lived in the West Village for the past 32 years. For much of that time Roberta worked as a senior administrative aide for the New York Police Department, and she has volunteered as a reader and sighted guide in the community. A voracious reader and dedicated journal writer, she draws her inspiration from her love of nature and from her interaction with, and fascination for, her fellow New Yorkers.


Is it the darkness I’m so afraid of

The harsh bleak blackness of the moonless sky


my own clicking brain like a time-bomb

nervously twitching, set to explode?

Does daylight stave off incorrigible fears?

Does the bogeyman exist only in darkness?

Perhaps he lurks unseen

soaking up sunlight and UV rays by day

gathering electric charges

used to terrify night crawlers

I walk with terror in each step

till my eyes fixate

on the White Horse Tavern windows

Brilliant fluorescent neon crimson lights


Budweiser, Guinness, Coors…

I conjure up Dylan Thomas’s spirit inside

hoist one up to fear


my lone companion of the night

and I

—Roberta Curley

Thanks for the tip, conversation, and poem Roberta.

I may be a poet

and not even no it,

but the tip will help me pay my tax

because I am The King Of New York Hacks.